Connecting the dots: how failing can lead to success

“Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.”

This is the opening line of Failing and Flying, by Jack Gilbert. A poem reminding us that failure is often preceded by success. In the ebb and flow of our lives the two are intertwined. Gilbert ends his poem with, “I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell, but just coming to the end of his triumph.”

It’s easy to think of an ending as failure. To assume that what went well before, now means nothing. But there is much to learn when things don’t work out. Systemic therapists suggest we need to say goodbye with grace. We need to be aware of our behaviour at our endings. If we fail to acknowledge or be grateful for what we’ve gained, then we’re destined to face the same problems again and again.

But there are times when we find it too hard to say goodbye. One of my Spoon by Spoon interviewees, Silvia, said she had a stubborn streak. “I don’t let go easily. I can’t let go. I’ve always hung around in jobs longer than I should have.”

When we’re caught up in the grief of an ending, we find it hard to think about what comes next. We forget there is only so much space in one life. To start something new we must first let go of something old.

Bernadette set up a business but it didn’t work out, “When I started my…