Regrets? We have a few, so make them count

Edith Piaf once sang “Non, je ne regrette riens,” but in my Spoon by Spoon conversations I’m finding we all regret a bit.

I ask my interviewees, “If you could have your time over again, what would you do differently?” At least half launch into a list of things they would change: different choices, different actions, lefts they would have taken, rights they would have avoided. Like a personal Sliding Doors, if you’ve ever seen the film. That said, the other half say, “I wouldn’t change a thing. I am who I am because of the path I’ve taken.”

It’s laudable they have so much self-belief and to be honest I agree. Ruminating about the past is a waste of energy. Going over and over our mistakes and wishing we had done things differently is unhelpful at best. At worst it can be destructive. Hollowing ourselves out with a viscous internal critic will impact our mental health. Lao Tzu the ancient Chinese philosopher wrote, “If you are depressed you are living in the past.”

But I also ask a follow-on question. “What would your older self say to your younger self?” And that’s when this second group join the party. Everyone I’ve spoken to opens up at this point. They are all clear about the wisdom they have learned.

For many it is don’t wait, listen to your gut, have the courage to start earlier. No one has…