Why eating salad isn’t enough

I’ve just finished reading Sheryl Turkle’s Reclaiming Conversations — Power of Talk in a Digital Age. Turkle is a Professor of the Social Study of Science and Technology at MIT. She’s spent 30 years studying people’s relationships with technology and her book is a great read. But if you haven’t got time here’s a summary: put down your phone and talk to your family and friends.

Reclaiming Conversations got me thinking. Even when we stop using our tech, our conversations can be half-hearted. We’re good at ‘glancing talking’, bouncing superficially from topic to topic. We’re not really listening; we’re waiting to respond.

In her book Time to Think, Nancy Kline says everything we do depends on the quality of our thinking. And the quality of our thinking depends on how well others pay attention to us in our conversations. If we can focus more on our friends, family and colleagues, then our lives will be better. If we can interact more deeply, then we will all be happier.

Here are five ways we often talk to each other. Spoiler alert: most are not good for our wellbeing.

1) Shut Up

Generally, we don’t say those exact words. We rarely ask someone to just stop talking. But we find ways to make it happen. What Shut Up really means is “I don’t want to hear it.” Or at a deeper level, “I don’t know how…